According to John Eldredge and Brent Curtis in the Sacred Romance, "Two things that pierce the human heart are beauty and affliction." They claim that arrows are shot at our heart that try to steal the romance that the beauty brings to us. Do you remember the first time you figured out adults did not know how to handle the arrows? Do you remember when you realized that you are truly alone in a cold indifferent world?
When I first began to understand that I could not bring others along on my journey with me, I started writing poetry to immortalize the impact the romance and arrows were having on my heart:
"Like a cloud a life forms, like a cloud a life floats by, like a cloud a life disappears.
Few know, few notice, few care."
When no one understood my poetry, I began to fill the emptiness with other solutions: parties, spontaneous adventures, money or the seeking of money. I never realized what a work-a-holic I was until I re-read my senior year book the other day and the only people who signed it were people I worked with, "Great working with you Kim. Thanks for helping me with the 'claims.'" I did not have one signature from friends I went to high school with. I started working when I was 14, 13 if you count babysitting. I graduated from High School and took off on a trip to California. After that, I ran, and ran, and ran. . . looking for something but didn't know what. I didn't find it in California, didn't find it at parties, didn't find it at work, . . .
I did find glimpses of Beauty that eluded to it. . . and many arrows that tried to destroy my hope of finding it.
I knew I would need help finding it so I started searching. . . I was involved with all kinds of spiritual quests and heavily into New Age and Native American spirituality. Glimpses of Hope but always something missing.
Aching and longing for something and someone I couldn't quite define. When arrows came, I had inadequate defenses. Beauty and wonder seemed at war with the powerful arrows that tried to destroy my soul. I knew clearly I was on an earthly trip no one could fully share with me and it seemed like everyone else around me was sharing their trip with each other and I couldn't quite find my way into their story. It seemed like I was continually going through challenges, through loss, and being lost while others seemed to have everything together.
What kinds of messages do the arrows send? Do they win over the message of Beauty? Can they drown out the hope of finding that ultimate connection to our soul? Think about the messages you have heard along the way: I shared one you may have heard: "Everyone else has it together but you." What other arrows have you heard? Maybe you have been a Christian your whole life and have dutifully lead a life of Service. The arrows that attack may make you feel like you are not living up to God's expectations of you. Service becomes a series of "shoulds" instead of a passion for those you serve. "Arrows strike at the most vital places in our hearts, the things we care the most about." They come to try to kill our very soul and harden our hearts so we become indifferent to the beauty and even lose our hope of finding it.
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